Signs of Spring

It’s been a long winter! "Well no, it hasn’t," you might be thinking. "It’s really barely begun this year." Well the truth is—and I think some of you know this—winters in our lives don’t always follow the earth’s cycle of seasons.

For me it’s been a long winter and I was talking to God about this the other day. I was telling him how hard it is going to be to go through another physical winter with a spiritual winter still hanging on. Couldn’t we just get on with it and move on to the next season? He encouraged me by pointing out that spring is coming. It was an uplifting thought, but I needed more. It seemed like it was so far off still and I was ready to be done with winter right now!

And God was gracious and loving to His frustrated daughter. He didn’t tell me when, he didn’t tell me that it’s here, but he did begin to show me signs of spring, signs that things are changing, that things are on the move; signs that he’s preparing the soil, that He’s up to something good, even though it’s been hard to see. He even showed me how a few things that could be discouraging if I dwelt on them in the wrong way were really signs of hope, signs of life, an indication that things won’t stay dead and dormant forever, but that life will begin to blossom again.

In Colorado it might be hard to get an accurate picture of what I’m describing. Spring can hardly be called spring here. It’s more like fits and starts between winter and summer and then BAM—summer finally sticks. What I’m talking about is a more like a New England spring, one that is a gradual, even process, where buds begin to appear, where flowers begin to poke their heads through the earth, as at least four or five months’ worth of snow begins to melt. I picture my mom, out in her garden, tilling up the soil and cleaning up muck that has slipped into the wrong places during the long, hard winter.

Are you in the middle of winter, are you longing for spring? God knows that sometimes we need help to be patient, help to believe that He’s moving things along, that it won’t always be winter. We need just a little bit of sight to encourage our faith. My prayer for you today is that He would show you some of your own signs of spring. That you would continue to believe that He is working, moving the seasons forward, and that He's up to something good in your life.

Reflections on Wandering

"All who wander are not lost..." though sometimes it feels that way! Recently I heard this quote, credited to J.R.R. Tolkien, several times within the span of a day or two. It reminded me of an experience that I had several years ago where some friends and I were wandering around in the dark.

We had decided to tackle one of Colorado's 14ers--Blanca Peak. Our plan was to leave right after work, but we got an even later start than expected. By the time we got to the trail-head darkness had descended and the moon had already risen high into the night sky. There was a mountain lake a few thousand feet below the summit, which we thought was only a few miles up, and it was our goal to reach it that night and camp there. We were packing it in, so we carried tents, sleeping bags, food, and clothes on our backs.

After several hours of climbing on a steep, rough trail, we still hadn't reached our destination. We wondered if we had gotten off track. Though the moon helped light the way a little we knew that we could step off a ledge at any moment. Were we just wandering around in the dark, way off course?  It was past midnight by that time and we were exhausted. We had no way of knowing how close we were to the lake, so we decided to pitch our tent on the next level piece of ground we could find and wait for the morning light to give us more direction.

When morning dawned, we packed up camp and were on our way. It turns out if we had kept going, we still would have had over an hour of hiking, so we made the right decision. Our directions had told us that we should drive up the trail as far as we could go and then it would be a certain distance to the lake. It warned that if we tried to keep going we might break an axle or get stuck. Well, we played it too safe with the vehicle and thus had a much longer hike than we should have.

My life as an adult has included what appears to be lots of wandering. I've lived in at least 13 different houses and had over 20 different housemates since graduating from college a decade ago. In each and every case what might have appeared to an outsider like aimless wandering and an unwillingness to settle down really had genuine purpose. Though sometimes it did feel like I was wandering around in the dark, not quite sure if I was heading in the right direction, I can clearly see looking back, how God guided me each step of the way. It's definitely not the life that this homebody would have chosen, but it is definitely the life-path that God in His sovereignty led me on...and I'd do it all over again too!

I've lived in Colorado longer than anywhere else. I sometimes wonder if God is going to settle me down here or somewhere else or keep me on this path of wandering. It is reassuring that wandering does not mean that I am lost. It means that I am a sojourner on this planet that is not my true home. I know that I don't want to get so comfortable anywhere that I am not prepared to move if God calls me somewhere else. At the same time, I don't want to move just for the sake of moving.

What does it really mean that all who wander are not lost? I think it has something to do with the fact that life doesn't necessarily go in the straight line that we expect. We seem to zigzag and back-track and loop around, and there's often lots of change. Sometimes we think we're on the right path, but we don't seem to be getting there. What we expect to happen when we thought it should happen doesn't. It feels a bit like we're wandering in the dark.

But this type of wandering is not aimless. It has a purpose. It is growing us. We're not lost. God knows exactly where we're going. If we keep trusting and walking ahead, eventually the darkness covering our sight will lift and we'll be able to see the trail that we've taken. Sometimes we'll see that there really was a more direct way, but maybe the trail we took was really the right trail after all because we had to work hard and learned so much, growing and gaining strength along the way. As we wander we are found by Him. He's right there beside us, seeing through the darkness, waiting with us for those things that are still hidden. And sometimes, when we just can't seem to get where we're going and all is still dark, I think it's ok, to take a break, pitch our tent and wait for morning. Rest and light always seem to have a way of renewing vision and giving direction to our feet.

The Call to Prayer

I hear the call to prayer
A wail really
I wonder that I've noticed it
This time

It seems to have faded
Into the background
So that I rarely hear it anymore
I am struck by the wail
A lament
A cry

I wonder
Who and what are they calling out for?
Will anyone hear or heed their voice?

The night sky closes in
The stars sparkle
Clearly twinkle
In the expanse above

A whisper
A silent prayer I offer
For those who are lost
As I heed
The call to prayer

Marsabit Memories

The smiles of the African children

The delight in their eyes

The sweet innocence

Struck with awe and wonder

By the simplest things

Chalk on the front stoop

Colorful balloons twirling in the air

Lasting only for a moment

Before a thorn triumphs

Bursting them into a thousand pieces

So much joy and so much glee

If only for a short time

Fleeting as the setting sun at twilight

It is light

And then it is dark

Totally black

Except for the twinkling stars above

Pinpoints of light

So sharp in the equatorial sky

Noises in the night

The constant hum of exotic insects

The soft crooning of an unknown bird

The melodious sound of neighbors' voices

Lifted in praise

It is so far away and yet so near

As near as the beating heart within me

The smiles of the African children

The Watch in the Night

Watchmen in the night
Sleeping
dreaming
Ever an unconstant vigil

Shots in the night
Breath catching
Hearts racing
Unexpected events

God is watching in the night
Guards are sleeping
We are safely
Covered in the shadow of His wings

What it Means to Know Him

"'He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?' declares the Lord." Last night I read those words in Jeremiah 22:16 and today we met people who know what it means to know the Lord and I'd say that it is going very well with them! Where did we meet them? At PopUp. This unusual acronym stands for "People Upliftment Process", an incredible ministry that our team had the opportunity to visit today. Through skills training classes in a wide variety of areas including sewing, home-based care, business, computer skills, and many others people from around the city of Pretoria and beyond are empowered to change the course of their lives and not only on the outside, but the inside too!

A team of dedicated staff, these people who truly know the Lord, speak to their learners about God's purpose in their life. Despite the many difficulties that the learners have faced, the challenges that they encounter, they begin to see that God created them in His image for His glory and that He has given them specific talents and abilities to use as a means of providing for themselves and their families, but also to reach out and bless others. Several of the learners stood up and shared their testimonies. The joy in their hearts was evident on their faces and in their voices. As they sang us a chorus about there being no one like Jesus, their harmonious voices moved our team to tears. One gift that God has given our brothers and sisters of African heritage is definitely song!

In addition to skills training PopUp also includes a medical, dental, and eye clinic, plus a kids day-program called PopMed, PopDent, PopEye, and PopKids respectively. We spent the afternoon with the kids. It was amazing how they readily accepted us as their friends as we sang songs, told stories, blew bubbles, did a craft, and played games. We reminded them that they are "children of the King," the King who defends the cause of the poor and the needy. He's their dad. He cares for them. Several dedicated African women are His hands and feet to these children. Day in and day out they minister to them. It was such a joy to interact with these mommas. Mostly they spoke English for our benefit, but as I heard them speak to each other in their own languages, I realized every now and then some of what they said seemed to make sense. There are similiarities between some of the languages here and Swahili, which I speak. It was fun to try and speak to each other in these African languages when we discovered that we could sort of understand each other.

Last night we spent the evening with an entirely different group of people who know what it means to know the Lord--the youth workers of Doxa Deo Church. They serve in the youth ministry at Doxa Deo's North Campus not only during the weekly meetings, but many of them serve throughout the week at various public schools around the city. There is an open door in many schools for Christian youth workers to have a presence on school campuses. These youth workers counsel students, organize evangelistic events, and develop relationships with the kids. It's a pretty amazing thing that they have going on over here and the youth workers are so dedicated, putting in long hours at the schools and church. Please pray with us for them, that God would continue to establish them as his "planting for the display of his splendor." Pray that they would bear fruit, that a forest would begin to grow. We had the opportunity to pray over them last night. Please join with us in lifting up their requests for wisdom, unity, and purity among them.

Through our time here in South Africa we are learning more and more what it is to know the Lord. What an incredible opportunity it is to fellowship, share, and learn with other parts of His body.

What would you say it means to know Him? Please comment :)

Buy a Donkey! (Baie Dankie!)

"Buy a Donkey!" It's an important phrase in South Africa, but probably not for the reasons you might think. No, it doesn't literally mean to buy a donkey (which could come in handy in some parts of Africa), it just sounds like that and it's the easiest way to remember how to say "Thank you very much" in Afrikaans. Afrikaans is the language spoken by the white South Africans who are not of English decent. Most Afrikaner people come from Dutch, German, French, and Italian background.

About three and half days ago I boarded a plane with my friend Carli. Thirty-six hours later after a night in a hotel, three different planes, numerous movies, and the quickest layover on record in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, we touched down in Johannesburg, South Africa. It's a different kind of Africa than I have experienced before. It's cold, so far we've met more vanilla faces than chocolate ones, and I don't think we've hit a pothole yet. At the same time, it is evident that God is at work here too. We have been hosted by some amazing people who worship God through their work with the least of these, who love their rugby, and are always up for a braai (barbeque).

It's been a little bit strange and surreal to finally be walking around in a country that I've wanted to visit for quite some time. I am thankful for this opportunity to see how God is working in anther part of the world and to form new friendships. A few nights ago we attended a worship service on the top of a small moutain overlooking the city of Pretoria. As we joined with young adults from this part of the world, I sensed that the cry of our generation is the same--God we want more of you! We want you to come in power to heal the brokenness of our land, to be glorified, to be known. And we all know that we are part of the answers to our own prayers. We must be the generation that pushes through, that takes God at His word, that does not give up or back down, but claims back the territory that the enemy has taken.

Today as we toured a museum that highlighted the history of the Afrikaner people in South Africa, many of us were struck by the fact that our countries' histories have similarities. We're only beginning to comprehend the cultures in South Africa, but at least we have more insight into the heritage and experiences that have influenced and shaped our hosts.

I am truly thankful to God for giving me and the rest of our team of nine the opportunity to come here and we are thankful to our new friends for their hospitality. Please pray for us, that we would be a light, full of peace and grace, and bring hope, healing, and refreshment to all we meet. Dankie!

Things God Whispers 3

"People of God should be people of integrity!" declared the speaker. Instead of the confident, resounding "yes" that I expected to feel in my spirit, I found conviction. Instead of a blank slate, I was confronted with a memory of a time when I had not acted in complete integrity. So I confessed it to God, received his forgiveness, and moved on, or so I thought.

A few days later I still felt the guilt. I wondered why I was sill walking around with it. Didn't I believe that God had forgiven me? Why couldn't I let it go? As the days progressed I couldn't shake the feeling that things still weren't resolved in my spirit. I sometimes suffer from an overactive conscience, feeling guilty about insignificant things, but this felt different. What was the problem?

Here's how I knew what it was--the thought of confessing to someone else horrified me. I realized that I hadn't just sinned against God, I had sinned against a person. I didn't want her to know what I had done. When I realized that, the real struggle began--could I confess my actions to her? How would she react? What would the consequences be? I thought through all the scenarios and some of them seemed pretty awful at the time. I thought if I could just push the feeling down and keep it between me and God it would eventually go away. In my heart of hearts, though, I knew that wasn't true. I knew that it would nag me, it would erect a wall between me and God that would continue to grow.

Finally, I decided in my heart that I could not consciously choose to disobey God. I was willing to deal with the consequences whatever they may be. So I resolved to tell her what I had done. It was hard, it was humbling, but I wrote to her, confessed, asked for forgiveness and suggested ways to make it right. I wanted her to know the reason I felt compelled to confess, that it wasn't that I was a good person, but it was because I call myself a Christ-follower and he had convicted me to come clean.

Amazingly she wrote back full of grace, expressing her respect for me, telling me what a good person I was and had always been. It was such a relief! At the same time, my prayer is that she would come to know and understand the one whose goodness lives in me. Without him I am nothing. Without him, my spirit is filled with darkness. Without him, what a wretched person am I. But with him, I am full of courage. With him my spirit is filled with light. With him I can do something. And I will.

The post-script of this story is that about six months later I was talking to a friend. She revealed that she was struggling with long-term guilt, something she couldn't shake from an incident many years before. In some ways what she had done didn't seem like a big deal and others had said as much. But when I heard her speak about her struggle, it sounded just like mine. I told her my story and it gave her the courage to confess to someone who had been in authority over her at the time. God revealed that his timing was perfect. Due to circumstances, if she had waited any longer the opportunity to bring it into the open would have been gone.

God is good. He is patient with us. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Sometimes for some of us it's hard to distinguish between guilt and false guilt. My simple principle that I follow now is that nagging conviction is not something to live with for very long. Get rid of it--confess it to God and to the person affected as soon as possible. Bring it into the light. Even the worst consequences you can imagine are better than a living with a conscience that is not at rest and separation from God.

Things God Whispers 2

"Just relax!" If I had listened to those words at the beginning maybe things would have turned out differently or at least I would have saved myself from a lot of grief. Looking back, I know that they were from God, but somehow I let my emotions take over and I didn't relax, I didn't surrender. I just let myself get more worked up. It's interesting how sometimes you can think that you're walking in obedience and your temper tantrums are justified, but they never really are.

Those words were a second invitation that God had given me to surrender to him in a certain area of my life. The first time he had asked me a question, "Are you willing to....?" My response had been, "Yes, but..." As a friend actually pointed out to me, that "but" says it all. "Buts" are never words of surrender. I mean when we read the story of Abraham, do we hear him saying, "Yes God, I will sacrifice my son, but only if..."? No, he just began to take the steps to do it. Of course we are not told of the conversations that he had with himself and God along the journey, but we do not see him throwing any tantrums and trying to manipulate God out of his command. And what do we see from God? It is a most gracious and merciful response of provision. That should encourage me to listen next time I think I know better than God.

The most interesting part of this whole thing for me has been in reflecting on what God has spoken to me regarding this area of my life in the past. Almost exactly four years ago I very clearly surrendered to God. In response he gave me this word to hold onto: "On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided." That sentence is straight from that same story of Abraham's surrender to God. The words are a reminder to me of God's gracious provision when he asks us to do something that doesn't seem to make sense or isn't exactly what we want. What it tells me is this--God's got my back if I would just cooperate with him! I hear him whispering, relax, just relax. This time I'm saying, ok!

Things God Whispers 1

"Do not be afraid!" The words were so unexpected that I knew that they had to be from God. I had asked him to give me a word for a particular area of my life and his answer jumped back at me. They were startling words because I didn't think I was afraid. But why am I surprised that God knows me better than I know myself?

Over the next several weeks those words became my gage for making decisions regarding what to say or do or what not to say or do. It's amazing how many times I found myself motivated by fear and had to change course so that I would not be acting out of that fear.

The more I dwelt on this phrase, the more my fear subsided. The more I allowed it to guide my thoughts, words, and behaviors, the more I saw my fear replaced by courage and confidence. And guess what? Usually my fears were quite unfounded. Things often turned out a lot better than I expected.

The phrase "Do not be afraid!" is repeated throughout the Scriptures. We see God encouraging Joshua with it as well as Joseph and Mary and others. It's interesting, but usually it's because something big, something significant is about to happen. God is up to something different and he wants his children to be prepared, to have something to come back to and remember when times get tough. I'm not really sure what big thing God might be up to in my life. It might just be healing me from a significant amount of fear, but whatever it is I want to listen and I don't want to be afraid!